You are born and the first thing you inherit is relatives, Lots and lots of them.
You have mother, father, siblings, grandparents, bhua, fufa, mama, mami, mausi etc. This is first level, then the second level, then the distant ones and then the most distant ones.
The number of relatives can also depand on
a) Family status – Known fact, more money you have more relatives you have.
b) Relationship – you can’t control this, if your dad has 3 brothers, you have 3 uncles.
The relatives have many types
a) Active : those who are actives, the one you depand on, meet regularly, take advice from, etc. Usually these are mama, bhua, siblings
b) Passive : The one about whom you don’t give a damn and who don’t care a bit about you.
Earlier, it was assumed that mama, bhua, is the closest ones. Their kids are our best pals. Few families are closely connected to either bhua or mama or both.
Now days I see a lot of complexities in relationships, which are beyond my understanding.
For example recently a cousin of mine called his fiancé at his home. He invited his sisters, brother in laws, bhua’s to meet the girl. He forgot his mama’s. Why would one do that? Yes the mama’s family is us.
The possible reasons for this can be
a) He didn’t want to call us.
b) His parents didn’t want to call us.
c) Wanted to keep it low affair business, but then why bhua.
d) We are not as close to them as we think.
e) Bad relationships in past
f) He thinks we are not as important.
Apart from me, no one has problem in understanding this, my mom is cool with it. Then why do only i feel bad
The possible reasons might be
a) I was expecting too much from them.
b) I expected atleast my bhua would call us.
c) I expected we had good relationships with them.
d) I thought we were important to them.
e) I have a big big ego.
f) Marwadi’s you cant trust marwadis behaviour.
Apart from my ego I am unable to understand any part of this. I would get 100 explanations from my mom, them that they wanted to keep it low affair, or it was just a introduction, or it was trailer, we will be invited for big affair when real stuff happens and when 100 people are called. That would be a formality for me ofcourse when everyone is invited we are also invited. Its proved its problem of my ego the big one, that i consider myself to be important, where as we are any tom dick and harry. Strange.
The other example is recently when my cousin who had his house puja.( Buying a big half crore house at age of 30 is no small deal). All his sisters, brother in laws, were called but not bhuwas. If his dad was alive they would have invited. Dads sisters are not important any more, all will be invited in common function. I was invited but i was thinking why others are not.
After death of my father I find sometimes the link between me and my bhua,mama has become week. The connecting link is missing, Same happens with other relatives when connecting link goes and we dont work hard to keep it up, the relationship slowly diminishes. How many of us go to great great bhua sisters houses, i dont remember any. So this is chakra of life. Apart from that I myself have done nothing to keep these intact. I am at major major fault.
What am i doing to make these relationships stronger is the main question. The answer is nothing. So i m blaming myself and my ego when i don’t get invited at times. Most of times I do J.
Relatives and and relationship have same Latin root. Try to understand relationships you will understand your relatives, and will be invited. Once you do. You and your ego will be happy.